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The First Time

Yesterday was the first time ever in my life I was called a Slave, and I called Lee Master.
We were fucking (which we do often)... YAY!
Anyway, it started when Lee got home from work and told me to get in the bedroom and get my clothes off. I complied immediately as I love his cock! He got on the bed and told me he would like me to suck his cock; of course I did as he said (I love to suck his beautiful cock). After a bit, he told me to sit on his cock, and that led to some wonderful fucking.
My personal favorite is anything that involves Lee being on top of me, so you can imagine I was very happy when he turned me over and doggy fucked me. When I thought he was going to come, I said, "Come for me Master", he did come, shooting his load deep in me. Then it was my turn! I came so hard I saw stars.
As we were laying there, his cock buried in my warm cunt, I asked him if I he liked it when I called him Master. He took a minute to answer, and then said "Yes". I mumbled something about being a slave (as this frightens me... I'm not sure if this is comfortable for him)... and he held the back of my neck and told me that "I was His slave."
Let me just say that I have never come from just words. But his mouth in my ear, his cock inside me, his body on mine, holding me down... and Lee saying that he was the Master and I am his slave... well, I came. Hard. I shook, and shivered, and was on a blissed out, spun out, and amazing high for hours afterwards.
As of this writing, I am in a state of mild euphoria.
I am a lucky girl!

Maintenance Spanking

Well, the other night Lee and I were decompressing after a busy night of work. He'd been working all day, and because of our jobs, needed to come with me to the stage to see what the director had been blocking (he's the set designer).
Anyway, it was fairly early in the evening, and we had a few cocktails. Now, I love to drink. I do, but I have to keep an eye on it as my temper can get quite volatile if I consume too much... or if serious conversation with heavy emotions starts up. Unfortunately, it was the Perfect Storm of situations this particular evening.
1. I drank with no food in my stomach, so even though I had just 2 cocktails, I felt the liquor strongly and quickly.
2. Lee wanted to have a serious discussion, that brought up some strong emotions. Primarily sadness (which I am not good at, so that gets turned to anger!).
3. I was emotionally pulling away from Lee, and not wanting to talk about why I was sad or angry.
Of course, my holding back emotionally is one of Lee's pet peeves, as it should be. I trust him, but my feelings are scary to me. I don't like to feel negative emotions, so I either avoid them (and bury them inside), or I get angry. Neither option is particularly healthy, and Lee has helped me see that this is true; moreover, if I trust him (which I do totally), then I should be able to share those emotions with him. Seems simple enough, but I am so fearful!
Anyway, Lee did tell me to go to bed, and remove my clothes. He did proceed to spank me quite hard and long, and later told me he felt it was a "reminder" spanking. To be honest I felt much better.
When Lee spanks me I bliss out. I get spacey, and very relaxed afterwards. The pain is strong, not overwhelming, and I cry out, it burns, and I have red marks on my ass afterwards for a day or so. Yet, afterwards I do feel very calm, quiet, and so much better!
On this particular evening (probably because of the alcohol), while I felt much better after the spanking; we fucked hard, which is always wonderful! But after the orgasm subsided and we were ready for bed, I got angry again. Lee held me tightly to him (I didn't like it... grrrr!) and I eventually fell asleep, in spite of myself.
The next morning I felt ashamed of myself for being so angry, and being such a brat. I arrived home after my morning errand to find him serious. I apologized for my behavior, explained what had happened to me emotionally (the fear, the anger) and he rewarded me with a sound fucking later that afternoon.
Personally, I believe that I deserved another spanking for the anger and rebellion I showed Lee after that Maintenence Spanking, but I would not question him in this respect.

Submission is Not Repression

From LDD:

"Being submissive does not mean behaving like a doormat. Women who believe this are usually the ones who will be the first to deny that they are in any way submissive. This is because they misunderstand what submissiveness is all about. Being submissive does not mean losing your personality and becoming a doormat with no opinions, no ideas and no zest for life. Submission is not about that. Submission is about getting in touch with the deepest parts of your femininity, parts that many women deny or repress."

Well, precisely, and I would add that all that energy I was using to repress the need for submission made me really fucking angry. I was behaving like a zombie the last 2 years of my marriage (and sporadically throughout, of course); I lost my passion and drive, and I felt so stuck. My ex was terrified of losing me; therefore, he walked on eggshells around me, and gave me a No Limits or Consequences for any behavior during the marriage. He was, however, incredibly passive-aggressive, so while I was never confronted face to face with anything, his anger seeped out in very subtle, controlling, manipulative ways. This is the antithesis of a Dominant Man. Eventually I lost respect for him... a leading cause for the demise of any relationship.
One of the things I thought about this week was how completely different this relationship is with Lee. Lee is not afraid of me, or of my anger. He will allow the bratty behavior for as long as he wants to, but I know there is a limit. He is not manipulative, he is very blunt, and I never have to guess where I stand. This is so freeing. I can be truthful, open, and accepting of Lee.
I am so glad Lee accepts the submissive side of my personality. It can be scary to show that side of me to anyone; moreover, I spent years trying to hide that from myself!
On another note, Lee's schedule has been hectic, so I don't feel like I've seen him very much... and that means no fucking. Meh.

Domestic Discipline

From LDD Blog:
"So discipline might occur every day, or every week, or every month, depending on what the couple agree is necessary or depending on what the Man decides is necessary for the woman."


Ok, so I realize this might sound absolutely horrendous to some of you reading, but this turns me on. Go figure. Yeah, I think I need to get spanked on a regular basis, just to remind me who is in charge of this Home. Do I feel like I am "less" of a partner in this relationship? NO! Emphatically NO. I realize I can be mouthy, bratty, and a handful at times. I doubt any amount of spanking would break me completely of these habits, as I don't want to be... but every now and again I do need some strict discipline.
The other night, I think it was last week... I didn't wear panties, even though I was wearing a skirt. I was on my way to work, and left my clean panties on the bathroom counter where I knew Lee would find them. When I left, I gave Lee a kiss and whispered that I wasn't wearing underwear. I thought he might not like it, but then maybe he wouldn't care so much.
When I got home everything was okay, until later. I came out of the shower, and Lee was sitting in bed reading. I was asked why I didn't wear underwear (to which I had no real good answer, except to be a Brat)...
I was promptly taken over the knee and spanked hard on my bare ass with his hand. Lee is quite firm, as his hands are big and heavy. After my spanking, I was told to stand in the corner. My ass was sore and red, and I felt ashamed of myself for my behavior. He sat on the bed and read some more of his book, then got up for some water. I didn't even think to get out of the corner!
When he got back he told me why he spanked me (no panties is kinda slutty), and then we fucked.
Now, I was WAAAY turned on by 1. He cared that I had no underwear on because I was His. 2. Being tossed over his knee, naked, and getting spanked left me very wet. **sigh** 3. Standing in the corner, and the shame I felt was a huge turn on too. The fucking that went on after was just the icing on a delicious cake!
I am no longer thinking about Why this turns me on or Why this is so gratifying sexually and emotionally, I just know that it Is.
Thank you Lee for caring enough to Take Me In Hand.

Journal # 4

Dated 10/24/09 5:03pm

Today I went out while you were working. I thought of you all day. I saw the cutest little velvet collar, and even though we had briefly mentioned the possibility of me wearing one, I wasn't sure if I should buy it because I didn't know how you'd feel about it ultimately. I did buy it, and I brought it home to let you decide whether or not to put it on me. It was kind of scary to show it to you as I was really wanting to wear it; I wanted you to put it on me. When you seemed genuinely delighted by it I felt overwhelmed by my feelings of gratitude. When you put it on my neck I could have come with the gentlest touch through my panties. I came so hard this afternoon and a big part of it was knowing that it turned you on equally to put the collar on me.

Journal # 3

Dated 10/23/09 8:53am

Today I AM wearing panties because of the spanking and corner time I got last night; but also because you have left so many loads of your cum, my cunt is creamy!