The Leash

When I wear the leash it is a huge turn on for me. My wish is that Master would treat me like the slut/bitch I am.
When I am on the leash (with choker or regular collar), it is usually by my request. I would like to have to lay on the floor unless invited up on the sofa; I would love Master to feed me by hand, stroke my hair, use my commands (down for head; present for doggy style position; stay; come); get permission to piss; to be under Master's full domination for anything/everything is my greatest turn on.
I basically want be treated like a pet, but I want to be able to talk!
This is a modified sort of pet play, since I have no interest in wearing a doggie face or a costume of any kind, just the collar and leash.
We do most of this already, but I'd love to push it just a bit further.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Master and I spent the Turkey Day together, alone. It is our first holiday together, and I decided that I wanted to cook a whole feast even if it was just us; so we spent the day together cooking (Master is a wonderful cook). When it was time to eat, he told me he was thankful for me, and that he loved me. Well, I am sure I blushed with pleasure, as it is my deepest need and desire to please him! I am truly thankful that Lee is in my life, as I have such trust and respect for him. We are so suited to each other that it seems bizarre to have spent years just being acquaintances and co-workers; barely even friends, since we both studiously avoided each other (we were both married at the time, and both of us monogamous).
At this time last year, we barely spoke to each other... and here we are together!
Now, last night, Master had me on the leash and collar, and I was laying on the floor near him; he was laying on the couch. At bed time, he told me to go get his shower ready as it was time for me to bathe him. I love to soap up Master, since I get to touch him all over his body and wash his hair; Master usually takes this opportunity to play with my nipples or put his fingers into any orifice he chooses!
After shower time, it was time for bed, and Master chose to tie me up. I had my arms tied behind my back, and legs spread open. I was face down. Master used the crop, whip, and bare hand on my ass. I squirmed and begged to be allowed to come, but he wouldn't let me until so much later.
He used clothespins on my cunt, which felt so good, although it did pinch a bit when he pulled them off! He roughly fingered in both my cunt and my ass, and when I did finally get to come I saw stars, and felt blissful... then it was his turn to finish, and he did. In my ass. Hard fucking in my ass, and it hurt so good... I was making sounds I couldn't help, and came again when I felt him bury his cock and his load spill.
Afterwards, I was untied, and massaged (my arms cramped up a bit in the position I was tied in), Master kissed me gently and tucked me in. I love to be Master's fucktoy.
I truly had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Fuck Fest

This past weekend was a 36 hour fuck fest! For the first time in a while neither of us had pressing business to deal with, and so we stayed home and fucked. A lot. We have been discussing (see earlier post) all of our different turn ons, things we would like to explore, and hard limits.
Master suckled my breasts for a long while (since I expressed my deep interest in breast play and ANR), and I was held on a leash the whole night, which I truly love; but I am ahead of myself!
I purchased a leash (a regular, nylon lead for a puppy), and brought it home to him. He was very interested in putting it on me, and I was HOT just thinking about it! I was on the leash for the night... and he is teaching me some commands. I have "down", which means to suck his cock; "Stay", which is to stay put, and not move; and my favorite, "Present", which is on my hands and knees, and present my ass/cunt for Master's enjoyment. When I get too turned on, and he wants to slow down, "settle" is the command. He held the leash in his hand for the evening, most of which involved watching a bit of TV, surfing the interwebs for kinky photos/videos, and some touching... but nothing too over the top. I had to pee, and Master took me to the bathroom and watched while I pissed; this turned me on so much and I suppose it is because it is so weird to have someone watch while I pee, but also on the leash!
Since I am interested in ANR, he allowed me to indulge myself, and he suckled on them while I held his cock. This is a huge turn on for me... and when he gave the command to "present", I was more than ready!
That evening, I got to sleep with his cock in my mouth for the first time, and since then, it has become a nightly ritual for us. It is very relaxing for the both of us (after he's had an orgasm of course!), and I can't think of a better way to be physically close to him. Additionally, if Master is willing, I hope he sucks my tits every night, as it feels wonderful for me!

The Submissive's Prayer

Master found this on the interwebs... made it our desktop image, and I love it. This says it all.

Cock Dreams

Last night was amazing! Lee and I spent the evening talking kink...
Now, just for clarification, both us are are somewhat new to this kind of a relationship, so it was good to just talk about what we are interested in. It was illuminating to hear what Lee would be into doing and I know he liked hearing what I would be up for! Our mutual list, and this is sure to grow in the future (this list included stuff we have already done). Here goes: restraints, anal, nipple/clit clamps, electrical play, caging, chastity belt, OTK, corner time, leash/collar play, exploring more deeply the Master/slave relationship, watersports (we both have some pretty strict boundaries around this), cock worship, fetish clothing, dungeon play (inflicting pain while in bondage), him withholding orgasms from me as punishment and play. WHEE!
Needless to say, after all this talk, we were both pretty horned up, and the sex was wonderful; but what happened after was best of all.
I love to suck cock, always have, and I have harbored a fantasy about just sleeping with it in my mouth. I alluded to it in a previous post.
Well last night I GOT TO DO IT! Yay! Lee fell asleep as I gently held his cock in my mouth after sex. It was very relaxing for me too, as I needed to lay still, and relax my jaw. I dozed off, with the head of his shaft resting between my lips, and he was sound asleep. When I woke up, I wiggled up to my sleeping place beside him. It was truly delicious and wonderful! I hope he decides to make it a regular ritual!

Yesterday

Well, things have been very sexual around here. My libido is kinda amped up, which I don't think Lee minds very much!
Yesterday, I wore a cute schoolgirl plaid skirt. I had no underwear on... and it is a wrap around skirt, so you can kinda get the idea Lee had on the way home from our meeting. I was very turned on by his touch, and started to feel him up. He had a raging hard on (which makes me smile!) and so I started to give him a BJ in the car just before we pulled into our driveway.
He told me to go lay down in our room, which I did, and he used one of my toys on me... very fiendish, since he did make me come, but he didn't fuck me... that's mean, since I love his cock in me.
I was allowed to finish his blow job, and got a mouthful of his warm come.
The thing is, I love to touch him. His cock is beautiful, and I love to suck it, and hold it in my mouth. Touching it, holding it, I wish I could sleep with it in my mouth... I'd be afraid to hurt him though!
I want him constantly.

Fetlife!!

I am now on Fetlife! I'm new so give me a some time before I share my online info!

The First Time

Yesterday was the first time ever in my life I was called a Slave, and I called Lee Master.
We were fucking (which we do often)... YAY!
Anyway, it started when Lee got home from work and told me to get in the bedroom and get my clothes off. I complied immediately as I love his cock! He got on the bed and told me he would like me to suck his cock; of course I did as he said (I love to suck his beautiful cock). After a bit, he told me to sit on his cock, and that led to some wonderful fucking.
My personal favorite is anything that involves Lee being on top of me, so you can imagine I was very happy when he turned me over and doggy fucked me. When I thought he was going to come, I said, "Come for me Master", he did come, shooting his load deep in me. Then it was my turn! I came so hard I saw stars.
As we were laying there, his cock buried in my warm cunt, I asked him if I he liked it when I called him Master. He took a minute to answer, and then said "Yes". I mumbled something about being a slave (as this frightens me... I'm not sure if this is comfortable for him)... and he held the back of my neck and told me that "I was His slave."
Let me just say that I have never come from just words. But his mouth in my ear, his cock inside me, his body on mine, holding me down... and Lee saying that he was the Master and I am his slave... well, I came. Hard. I shook, and shivered, and was on a blissed out, spun out, and amazing high for hours afterwards.
As of this writing, I am in a state of mild euphoria.
I am a lucky girl!

Maintenance Spanking

Well, the other night Lee and I were decompressing after a busy night of work. He'd been working all day, and because of our jobs, needed to come with me to the stage to see what the director had been blocking (he's the set designer).
Anyway, it was fairly early in the evening, and we had a few cocktails. Now, I love to drink. I do, but I have to keep an eye on it as my temper can get quite volatile if I consume too much... or if serious conversation with heavy emotions starts up. Unfortunately, it was the Perfect Storm of situations this particular evening.
1. I drank with no food in my stomach, so even though I had just 2 cocktails, I felt the liquor strongly and quickly.
2. Lee wanted to have a serious discussion, that brought up some strong emotions. Primarily sadness (which I am not good at, so that gets turned to anger!).
3. I was emotionally pulling away from Lee, and not wanting to talk about why I was sad or angry.
Of course, my holding back emotionally is one of Lee's pet peeves, as it should be. I trust him, but my feelings are scary to me. I don't like to feel negative emotions, so I either avoid them (and bury them inside), or I get angry. Neither option is particularly healthy, and Lee has helped me see that this is true; moreover, if I trust him (which I do totally), then I should be able to share those emotions with him. Seems simple enough, but I am so fearful!
Anyway, Lee did tell me to go to bed, and remove my clothes. He did proceed to spank me quite hard and long, and later told me he felt it was a "reminder" spanking. To be honest I felt much better.
When Lee spanks me I bliss out. I get spacey, and very relaxed afterwards. The pain is strong, not overwhelming, and I cry out, it burns, and I have red marks on my ass afterwards for a day or so. Yet, afterwards I do feel very calm, quiet, and so much better!
On this particular evening (probably because of the alcohol), while I felt much better after the spanking; we fucked hard, which is always wonderful! But after the orgasm subsided and we were ready for bed, I got angry again. Lee held me tightly to him (I didn't like it... grrrr!) and I eventually fell asleep, in spite of myself.
The next morning I felt ashamed of myself for being so angry, and being such a brat. I arrived home after my morning errand to find him serious. I apologized for my behavior, explained what had happened to me emotionally (the fear, the anger) and he rewarded me with a sound fucking later that afternoon.
Personally, I believe that I deserved another spanking for the anger and rebellion I showed Lee after that Maintenence Spanking, but I would not question him in this respect.

Submission is Not Repression

From LDD:

"Being submissive does not mean behaving like a doormat. Women who believe this are usually the ones who will be the first to deny that they are in any way submissive. This is because they misunderstand what submissiveness is all about. Being submissive does not mean losing your personality and becoming a doormat with no opinions, no ideas and no zest for life. Submission is not about that. Submission is about getting in touch with the deepest parts of your femininity, parts that many women deny or repress."

Well, precisely, and I would add that all that energy I was using to repress the need for submission made me really fucking angry. I was behaving like a zombie the last 2 years of my marriage (and sporadically throughout, of course); I lost my passion and drive, and I felt so stuck. My ex was terrified of losing me; therefore, he walked on eggshells around me, and gave me a No Limits or Consequences for any behavior during the marriage. He was, however, incredibly passive-aggressive, so while I was never confronted face to face with anything, his anger seeped out in very subtle, controlling, manipulative ways. This is the antithesis of a Dominant Man. Eventually I lost respect for him... a leading cause for the demise of any relationship.
One of the things I thought about this week was how completely different this relationship is with Lee. Lee is not afraid of me, or of my anger. He will allow the bratty behavior for as long as he wants to, but I know there is a limit. He is not manipulative, he is very blunt, and I never have to guess where I stand. This is so freeing. I can be truthful, open, and accepting of Lee.
I am so glad Lee accepts the submissive side of my personality. It can be scary to show that side of me to anyone; moreover, I spent years trying to hide that from myself!
On another note, Lee's schedule has been hectic, so I don't feel like I've seen him very much... and that means no fucking. Meh.

Domestic Discipline

From LDD Blog:
"So discipline might occur every day, or every week, or every month, depending on what the couple agree is necessary or depending on what the Man decides is necessary for the woman."


Ok, so I realize this might sound absolutely horrendous to some of you reading, but this turns me on. Go figure. Yeah, I think I need to get spanked on a regular basis, just to remind me who is in charge of this Home. Do I feel like I am "less" of a partner in this relationship? NO! Emphatically NO. I realize I can be mouthy, bratty, and a handful at times. I doubt any amount of spanking would break me completely of these habits, as I don't want to be... but every now and again I do need some strict discipline.
The other night, I think it was last week... I didn't wear panties, even though I was wearing a skirt. I was on my way to work, and left my clean panties on the bathroom counter where I knew Lee would find them. When I left, I gave Lee a kiss and whispered that I wasn't wearing underwear. I thought he might not like it, but then maybe he wouldn't care so much.
When I got home everything was okay, until later. I came out of the shower, and Lee was sitting in bed reading. I was asked why I didn't wear underwear (to which I had no real good answer, except to be a Brat)...
I was promptly taken over the knee and spanked hard on my bare ass with his hand. Lee is quite firm, as his hands are big and heavy. After my spanking, I was told to stand in the corner. My ass was sore and red, and I felt ashamed of myself for my behavior. He sat on the bed and read some more of his book, then got up for some water. I didn't even think to get out of the corner!
When he got back he told me why he spanked me (no panties is kinda slutty), and then we fucked.
Now, I was WAAAY turned on by 1. He cared that I had no underwear on because I was His. 2. Being tossed over his knee, naked, and getting spanked left me very wet. **sigh** 3. Standing in the corner, and the shame I felt was a huge turn on too. The fucking that went on after was just the icing on a delicious cake!
I am no longer thinking about Why this turns me on or Why this is so gratifying sexually and emotionally, I just know that it Is.
Thank you Lee for caring enough to Take Me In Hand.

Journal # 4

Dated 10/24/09 5:03pm

Today I went out while you were working. I thought of you all day. I saw the cutest little velvet collar, and even though we had briefly mentioned the possibility of me wearing one, I wasn't sure if I should buy it because I didn't know how you'd feel about it ultimately. I did buy it, and I brought it home to let you decide whether or not to put it on me. It was kind of scary to show it to you as I was really wanting to wear it; I wanted you to put it on me. When you seemed genuinely delighted by it I felt overwhelmed by my feelings of gratitude. When you put it on my neck I could have come with the gentlest touch through my panties. I came so hard this afternoon and a big part of it was knowing that it turned you on equally to put the collar on me.

Journal # 3

Dated 10/23/09 8:53am

Today I AM wearing panties because of the spanking and corner time I got last night; but also because you have left so many loads of your cum, my cunt is creamy!

Journal # 2

Dated 10/22/09 5:33pm

I am NOT wearing panties. I am naked under these pants and what are you going to do about that? I know I am being bratty but I love the discipline.
Fantasy or Reality?
Stripped, spanked, made to sit in the corner until you feel it's enough. Of course you are fully dressed while you spank me over your knee. Then fuck me. Fuck me how ever you want. Tell me what you want me to do, for I am pliant and willing. I love you.

From the Journal

I was originally going to keep this as a journal, but truth be told, I prefer the computer. I can type much faster than write, so go figure... anyway the next series of posts are from the handwritten journal.

Dated 10/22/09 9:19am
I love knowing you want me enough to just fuck me. "Roll over", "Go to the bedroom", makes me very hot. Last night's ass fucking was delicious and I thank you.

Hi!

Just an introduction... I live in California with Lee, my BF, which sounds ridiculous since we are far from being in high school. Lee and I love, live, and work together. This is not too much time together; I would spend more time with him if I could! I am very happy being the submissive in our relationship.
I have always battled with my need to be dominated. At the time I came into my adulthood, women were being told that they should go to college, get a career, and get out into the workforce. Women were expected to be in control of themselves and their careers. Men were your equal, and in NO way should you ever even think of letting yourself be controlled or dominated by any man for ANY reason.
I grew up in a very normal, nuclear family, with a father who worked and a mother who stayed home. My mother's frustration with her life (she wanted a career and family, my father was not supportive of her need to work outside the home)imprinted itself on me. I was confused by the notion that my need to be submissive meant there was something wrong with me.
What I was not supposed to want was a relationship in which the man in my life was the dominant partner in the relationship. I was not supposed to need to be punished for my bratty behavior and flirtatiousness. It was wrong to want to be treated like a princess, and being tossed over a knee and spanked was inconceiveable.
Yes, I am independent and intelligent. At work I have many responsibilites and am perceived as being opinionated, outgoing, and cunty at times. I have no problem speaking up for myself, or stating my position on any topic. I don't like to have to answer to people when I know I am right. I can be stubborn and rude.
However, I still need for Lee to assert his Dominance over me... sexually, physically and emotionally. More on this later...
I don't see why I can't be both, and it has taken me a long time to figure this out!